Not tired

I wasn't sure what to call this post. Wanted to title it "Insomnia" or "Sleepless", but that wouldn't be right. I've been sleeping well...a little too well, really (at least on the days I don't work). But sleeping well causes me not to be tired the next night.

But "Not tired" isn't a good title, either, because my waking hours are kind of exhausting me. Not work. Work's fine. After work. I...well, let me just say what I've been doing outside working hours, and I'll make note of what things are making me tired and what things are making me...not tired.

I'm slowly cleaning my room, bit by bit. It's a big mess (and thinking of cleaning it makes me very tired) though...if I try to do it all at once, it may not take that long, but then it'll just go back to the way it was really quickly. So I'm trying to build small habits that will keep it clean...just taking a little bit out each time I leave my apartment. This way, I don't get tired.

I'm studying how to do different types of investments. I said in a couple earlier posts that I was dinking around with call options...and on that note, I'll say one of them went well and the other, not as well, but not terrible. I could probably get used to doing these, but the commission fees for these transactions are too much for the small amount of cash I'm working with. I've looked at other online brokers who have lower fees, but still require (due to recent regulations) fairly high minimum balances. Also been looking at other kinds of options trading and futures trading. But again, the minimum cash you need is more than I want to throw around (...or away).

Did reading that just make you tired? Yes, reading about investing and what to do with the stocks I do own has been exhausting me. But it's also interesting to me and since "the market" seems to be leveling off a bit, I want to learn ways to make money in a downturn market.

But my investigations are mostly bringing to my attention that I really don't have much money. It's weird, because I feel like I'm doing pretty well, but...never seems like enough. I suppose I just need to be patient, but how long can I really do this? I mean, all of this? Teaching here...investing...and for what?

This lead me to the third thing I've been doing...thinking about the future. When I first came to Korea in 2009, I didn't bother thinking of the future and...things went pretty well that way. But about a year or so ago, that seemed to have run it's course. And ironically, things seem to have gotten worse and more stressful for me since I started thinking about the future. But I don't see any way around it. I know I can't work here (or work, period) the rest of my life. The time will come when I will need to live off of what I've saved up and/or invested in.

Yes, I know other people have it worse; they have nothing to live off, or they didn't (or aren't) planning anything, but I can't do anything for them. Still, though, this planning of mine is preoccupying too much of my life. It strikes me that others who plan less than me seem to have more in their life than I do. That's what I don't get.

But, like, if I don't plan anything, I appear aimless and without ambition. But if I plan, I have no life.

*sigh* Well, I keep thinking if I just get me room clean, the rest of my life will improve, too. Maybe I'll start there.

Oh, I'm also reading a few books, but maybe I'll talk about those later.