Now what?

Well, guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Not sure what else I'm going to do. How much longer will I stay here? My school contract is for another year, but my phone contract is for two more years. (I...think I'll talk about the phone in my next post.)

In reflecting on my last post, I was wondering if I should have written something else, or not written anything and just let the pictures do the talking. Ever since I watched Storytelling, I've been apprehensive of trying to say something true about an experience...at least a deeply emotional one. I'm starting to think I'd be better off just not saying anything at all. The truth I find seems biased and disingenuous...and short-lived.

What I considered writing in the last post was something like, "We needed each other then, but not anymore." Would that have been more true? I don't know. Ummm...no. That sounds like the feeling was mutual. I didn't want to part with the tiger. But, whatever. My feeling or analysis doesn't change anything. So I don't want to talk about it.

Well, that can't be true. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't want to talk about it. (Is writing talking? Sure it is. It's communicating the same ideas anyway.)

Why are people so bent on chasing dreams and ambitions at the expense of human relationships? Why do people feel like the person they're with is somehow preventing them from doing something more meaningful in their lives? Why don't they see the connection to that person as meaningful?

I've already seen the irony of dreams and ambitions back in Season...1 or 2 (not going to link the post but it was titled "Honesty and Direction". It's archived in the season archives under The Lost Posts). but people still take offense or take it as negative when I point out that dreams are meaningless. They're selfish ambitions that exclude others from our lives and are ultimately a waste of our time. (See? How does that not sound negative? Or...to put it another way, how can I make that sound positive? Stupid semantics obstructing what I want to communicate...)

I'm well on my way to achieving my dream...my goal. And as is predictable (ok, so I linked the post after all), people are impressed and interested. But I already know that when I achieve it, it won't matter.

I don't mean this in a depressing way. I'm laughing at the irony. I feel like I'm not supposed to figure all this out until I'm old and gray.